What am I supposed to do

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Former-Member Just wanted to say good morning and let you know I'm here for you too.

I also wanted to echo @The-red-centaur in assuring you that you're not a burden, you're not letting anyone down. You're showing strength in reaching out here and engaging in conversations about what's going on for you and things that could help.

It sounds like you're stuck in a really tough cycle right now, with the anxiety/panic attacks causing no sleep, which is likely only making the anxiety symptoms even worse. D I remember that you've got a psychology appointment coming up? If so do they know how bad things are right now? Sometimes if you're able to advocate for yourself a little they will be able to squeeze you in sooner

[The-red-centaur]

@Former-Member i get it. It sucks. I'm sorry that it is so hard right now. I've been where are multiple times, im not going to lie, it completely sucks, it is so hard to see when it will pass. 

But if you hold on, I promise it will get easier, it does get better. I can't say when that will be, but it does happen. 

I know I can just say that, im not you, but please hold onto that tiny bit of hope. You will get through this, you have before, I know it wasn't unscathed but you are still here. The breath inside you is hope that you are strong enough. 

I don't want to preach this sruff to you, I just want you to know I believe in yourself. 

[Former-Member]

@Ru-bee morning and thankyou. 

I just hate that everything is just so bad right now and I try so hard not to bring others down. 

I only have a doctors appointment coming up in 3 days if I can make it until then. I can't see a psychologist after what happened previously. 

[Former-Member]

@The-red-centaur thankyou, I really wish I could see it. I'm trying to hang on but I'm really losing that fight. I don't see how things are supposed to change and I don't even have that tiny bit of hope in me anymore. 

[Ru-bee]

You're not bringing anyone down for asking for help when you need it @Former-Member .

Do you need extra help to get you through to Monday? Whether that's calling the GP and stressing that this is an emergency, or contacting your local mental health triage service or ED?

Of course we're here to help you as much as we can and to provide support, but I'm hearing that it's getting pretty serious at the moment and maybe some more immediate action might be needed?

[The-red-centaur]

@Former-Member i used to have a support person that would say, I'll hold the hope for you while you can't. They believed in me and at the time I hated them for it, but I'm glad they did, I wouldn't be here without that person's support. 

So as another cliche thing for today. I'll hold space and hope for you while you can't see the way through. I'm here and I'll try to support you where I can. 

I just gotta go for a sec. I need to shower before my morning staff get here. I've been procrastinating enough (not you fault, im glad I've been here for you) 

[Former-Member]

@Ru-bee i can't get in any sooner, believe me I've tried but they aren't in until then. 

I've tried MHT but they have been dismissive in how I'm feeling and don't offer any support and I really don't want to go back to hospital.

I know it's an option but right now it's an absolute last resort. 

[Former-Member]

@The-red-centaur thankyou. 

Enjoy your shower. Sorry if I kept you from doing things you need to. 

[Ru-bee]

Okay, I get that @Former-Member at least we know it's there as an option if it's absolutely needed

I know you mentioned wanting to play boardgames, but not having people around to play them. Have you tried online boardgames? My partner got really into playing Catan online when I wasn't feeling like playing. I know it's not quite the same but maybe it could be an option?

@The-red-centaur mentioned doing some self care earlier, are there some smaller tasks that you could aim for that might help to make you feel even a tiny fraction better in this moment? Like having some water, getting a few minutes of fresh air, even if its just standing right outside the door, having a shower (or just splashing your face with water and popping on some fresh clothes)... 

Or maybe we could just chat, I can sit with you hold some of that hope for you too 

[Former-Member]

@Ru-bee i can't play games online cos it's just frustrating for me. I'm very much needing to do things physically. 

I've been trying to do little things to take care of myself but it's such a struggle. I had a cold shower yesterday to try and shock my system out of the panicked state I was in. I can't really eat or drink anything at the moment and going outside feels too overwhelming for me.