What am I supposed to do

[Former-Member]

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of going through this, of hurting, of the constant thoughts and urges, being such a let down and a burden on everyone, of these panic attacks.

I'm sorry to everyone I've bothered and let down. I'm sorry that I'm always so negative and depressed. I'm sorry that no matter how hard i try to be positive, the negative just always creeps in. But most of all I'm just sorry that I'm me and I'm sorry that I'm here. 

I'm sorry 😞 

[Dockers6]

Gremlin24, Dockers6, one of the moderators here. Your experiences, and pain are very much heard - please if you need this morning reach out to the helplines- you don't have to experience this alone.

Dockers6

[Former-Member]

@Dockers6 the helplines aren't helping. That's half the reason I'm in this position tonight after one of them triggered me so much and even after asking them to stop they kept going. 

I'm just sick of things being like this, I've given up on the possibility of being able to be helped. 

[marchhare]

I am sorry you had that experience with a helpline. I am sure members will reach out to you when they read your latest posts. The community will support you.

[Former-Member]

@marchhare everyone has had enough of having to deal with me, noone wants me here or anywhere. 

[The-red-centaur]

@Former-Member good morning. I just woke up and saw this, im sorry you are feeling this way. 

As the mod said you aren't alone. But I know it feels like it. I'm glad you reached out, it shows there is still apart of you that wants to get through this, that believes in you. 

Is there anything I can do to help? I can't offer you a magic pill or wand or whatever. But I can give you my time, my ears, and my words. 

[Former-Member]

@The-red-centaur i just don't know what to do anymore. I'm exhausted, running on very little sleep over the last 3 days. I keep waking up having full on panic attacks. I can't sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time and then I'm awake for a good hour or 2 with a panic attack. I have anxiety over even thinking about sleeping now. 

I'm just done. I can't go on like this. 

[The-red-centaur]

@Former-Member wow that sounds so intense. I understand why you are you the end of the tether. 

I too struggle with sleep, I don't have much to offer here. I use medication to get my a sleep in, but that isn't for everyone. 

Do you know why your sleep is so disturbed? 

[Former-Member]

@The-red-centaur I'm sorry, I didn't even say morning to you or ask how you are going. I hope you are ok. I'm sorry. I'm just the worst person ever and I hate that people have to put up with me. 

[Former-Member]

@The-red-centaur unfortunately I can't take medication due to previously intentionally taking to much. 

I don't know why it's so bad now, things have just changed rapidly. I used to have panic attacks but be able to hide them and stop them before they got too bad. Then I started having them in public and not being able to control them. Now it's waking up several times during the night having them and they aren't like anything I've experienced before.