@tyme 

What have some of your coping strategies been?

I definitely relate to all of those triggers which you mentioned. And good on you for learning how to better manage what is often a very stressful few days.

Earlier today I was actually trying to plan our day, emphasizing to my (ex) wife how important it is for me to have structure on xmas day, such as a plan, a routine etc. I'm not asking for us to create a timetable but at the very least a general idea of what we are doing and the order. 

I tried to explain that this helps my anxiety, and is like an insurance policy to make sure everyone has a good day. She wants to fly by the seat of her pants and just doesn't care much this year.

In her defense she has received some sad family news so she is worried about them, and not in high spirits. 

I'm sure it will all work out. Last year was fine, so we will most likely do something similar but with less fuss about the food.