Cast your eyes away from the shore. Don’t let the waves of memories pull you out to sea to drown. I know it hurts. I know its hard. You are strong however. You have weathered worse storms. You have even pulled through the dead calm days where there is no wind to fill a sail.
Life has a way of rocking the boat. Tipping you, tossing you about. Even though we are the captain of our ship, we are subject to the weather to get us through the journey and to arrive at destination unscathed.
...
Look away from the shore. Turn your attention to the sky, the sun is set now, stars shine. No point in thinking about what will happen tomorrow, rest and know the stars will guide you and heal you.
[Words of @The-red-centaur ]
@tyme @MJG017 @Shaz51 @PeppyPatti @Oaktree @creative_writer @BPDSurvivor @Jynx @Ru-bee @rav3n @Healandlove @tonys
My boat is rocking gently, this morning. I woke up at 5:30 and did all the right things.
I washed my face.
I did some gentle stretches.
I sat down to my devotional book for 5 minutes, plus a few extra minutes listening to the song for today.
I journalled my emotions for the first time in a few weeks.
Now, it’s 0650. I have just logged onto SANE forums and am responding to @The-red-centaur’s post.
Here is the start of my recount for the past 8 weeks:
On 9 November 2024, my then partner met my parents officially for the first time. He had met my father in the garden before, and he had met my brother last time my brother was here. This was his first time meeting my mother.
I thought the Yum Cha lunch went well. My partner asked all the right questions and responded in the most clear-minded way, too. Afterwards, my father would reflect that he talked too much. He shouldn’t blame himself, so. I understand that he was just excited – this was only the second man his daughter had introduced to him as a partner.
Thus, my roller coaster began.
I was feeling intensely anxious about the whole meeting. Afterwards, I learnt that my partner was, too. He declined our invitation back to our place.
Backstory: my mother is a hoarder. She spent the whole week of leave, while my brother was visiting from overseas, to clean out just the front room, so that my partner could come in (for the first time).
My parents, brother and I got back to our place. We discovered the fruit from our tree that we had planned to give to my partner. I called him and he came over in ten minutes.
In the driveway, we made a date to go to the dance event in a fortnight’s time.
This was Saturday lunchtime. By Sunday night, I was manic.
I felt my mood rising fast. I sought help from a friend, who also has bipolar tendencies. She suggested I take a PRN to get to sleep. I did.
The next morning, I tried to contact my Psychiatrist. Everything after that is a blur.
All I remember of the next week was that I went from telling my partner nothing about my mental health, to telling him everything. Down to “my libido is through the roof”. He coached me through some square breathing exercises on night 3.
By night 4, he was gone.
Ghosted me. The last message he responded to was: “Call me when you’re ready.” (A heart).
He will never be ready.
Fast forward to 4 January 2025.
My ex has now ghosted me for almost 8 weeks.
I have sought out my first sexual relationship, with someone I have known longer than my ex. But the issue now is that he doesn’t want commitment. I know that if I get involved any further, I’m bound to get hurt.
So I need to pull back.
It hurts, because his only reasons for not wanting to get involved with me centre around caring responsibilities for his loved ones and “wanting to dance”. I want to dance too, but I want to be his girlfriend.
But, he is not the only one.
There is someone else, who is gentler, calmer and possibly more ‘right’ for me. Also from dancing, since before COVID. He has not made a move, because in his mind, I still will get back together with my ex.
How wrong that is.
My ex has proved he is not strong, nor mature enough to handle everything I bring.
I have already moved on.
What will happen next?
Time will tell…
