Winter solstice

[Dimity]

I just figured out my 6 week convalescence will take me to the autumn equinox. 

I've committed to occasional private help for that time as well as hoping for regular fortnightly home care. A family member has also offered help with watering at first. 

3 weeks to straighten the house and garden beforehand. I'm frustrated I'm not working harder.

@NatureLover 

[NatureLover]

I hadn't realised your home care was going to be only fortnightly, @Dimity . I had imagined it to be more frequent. 

At least you also have the option of private help. Plus watering help. 

Best wishes for working harder (if possible) in the next 3 weeks. 

[Dimity]

@NatureLover I've had a hiccup. Today the social worker asked how I feel about tackling my folders notes and papers and I mentioned how it often reminded me of what I was living through when I acquired or created them. That was fine 

-  hypothetical perhaps - but after I got home from my haircut a wave of emotion hit me. Came down like a huge weight. I've been remembering how awful it all was. I froze for hours but eventually got dinner. I haven't been able to work on the house at all today. 

[NatureLover]

Oh no, @Dimity ! I can empathise - papers (and objects) raise difficult emotions 😥 It's not just processing what to do with a piece of paper - that one paper may represent a whole relationship history and a whole host of problems and traumas 😥

Freezing for hours in panic shows how distessing this was / is for you 🫂

Well done for finally being able to make dinner. 

I hope you were able to sleep OK last night and that today is a better day for you 🤞

[Dimity]

It's been a difficult week. 

My knotty family problems have resurfaced.

I saw mention of Disappointing Affirmations in another thread and googled them. One is "No one is coming to save you. You are the adult. I'm so sorry." 

And I challenged a dishonest cab driver,  who retaliated by saying he's blacklisting me on the system so I can't book any taxis with that company in future. 

I had home help today for the first time, and felt simultaneously inadequate and an imposter. 

@NatureLover I failed to do anything useful today. Hopefully the weekend will be better. Next week will be busy finalising arrangements and having tests for my procedure. 

Is your weekend looking good?

[NatureLover]

Oh gosh, @Dimity - so sorry things have been so difficult this week 😥

Your family problems plus the taxi driver must have been so upsetting. 

How do you feel the home help went? 

You said you failed to do anything useful - but you got through a difficult day. Just surviving is useful. 

My weekend is thankfully quiet as I feel exhausted after my first week back at work. 

Your coming week sounds busy...I hope it's better than this one for you. ❤🤞

[Dimity]

Hello @NatureLover 

I hope you've recovered from your tiring week.

The home help was OK thanks, not sure I deserve it. Yes the week has been very upsetting and things aren't improving. I really don't know what to do. Perhaps I should get in touch with the social worker but I don't want to as I'd just cancelled the next appointment as I thought I'd need help more further down thextrack. Things are really veryl difficult. 

[NatureLover]

I can tell things are very difficult and you're distressed - you made some typos, which you never do. @Dimity 

(I don't care about the typos, I care about your distress)

I don't know what to suggest, but I'm sending wishes your distress eases 🤞

I'm glad and relieved to hear that the home help went OK. 

I wouldn't say I've recovered from my exhausting week, but I found the energy to strip my bed and wash the douna and mattress cover this morning, so that's good news. 

[Dimity]

Well done with the extra laundry @NatureLover . It was a good drying day.  I washed some wardrobe cast-offs ready to donate.

Yes I've been quite distressed - thanks for picking up on it. Things should become clearer during the week. I'm hoping things resolve without the major upsets that are still possible. It's bad timing for me, but it's out of my control. The person who helped me out with my cataract surgery is checking in with me which I appreciate. They've advised walking away from the family situation but I can't do that, I care too much. But gosh it's difficult. 

I hope tomorrow is a good day for both of us. Take care. 

[NatureLover]

Well done for casting off some clothes, @Dimity . 

I hope your distress eases...

I feel exhausted this morning and just want to go back to sleep. 

I hope things with your family resolve this week without a major upset 🤞