Winter solstice

[Dimity]

It's cold again. I've been recalled to the hospital tomorrow but expect they'll  discharge me. Tuesday will probably be the last I see of my helper, she's moving on. Wednesday I'll see a physio for the first time in 20 years, hoping they'll address my intermittent pain. My sister is finishing the next stage of her treatment. I'm barely getting by from one day to the next. 

[Appleblossom]

Gentle hugs @Dimity 

Hope you have the same luck I have had with physio.

Yes I know it is about the physical body, but the body mind and soul are connected.

love Apple

[Dimity]

Thanks @Appleblossom . I'll see if it helps, the physio is tomorrow. 

My family situation seems intractable. I rang a support service but the nearest referral they could give me is 20 km away. They suggested my financial predicament is abusive. It's complicated. I said perhaps it's codependent. 

I'm finding some consolation in signs of Spring. And I'm minding some bonsai while their owner is away. 

Onwards and upwards. 

[Appleblossom]

Bonsais are fascinating. @Dimity  My uncle had some. He had a very green thumb, before we knew a lot about climate change, so did not slant his green that way.

Little thinks like that do make a difference. I was at guerilla garden today, and loaded up farm car with plants to put out tmrw.

At a meeting tonight. Was a little anxious cos had a reaction to a lady in the group, but we worked through it, and meeting went well.  I am concerned I get very touchy with massive fear of rejection and abuse and hipocrisy, and do not mean to be hard to get along with others.  The attendance tonight was low, so just that lady and I, and an older highly skilled couple.  Onwards, yep. Step by step.

Good luck with physio tmrw.

[Dimity]

@Appleblossom I saw an interesting article the other day on how so much social anxiety is down to fear of evaluation - oddly positive evaluation as well as negative evaluation.  

I need to flex my social muscle before I lose it altogether. Haven't had the spoons to try for a while. 

I tried bonsai as a young thing and was proud of a Japanese maple. Lost it in the general upheaval after my first hospitalisation. Now I admire grand old trees of full stature.

[NatureLover]

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@Dimity wrote:

It's cold again. I've been recalled to the hospital tomorrow but expect they'll  discharge me. Tuesday will probably be the last I see of my helper, she's moving on. Wednesday I'll see a physio for the first time in 20 years, hoping they'll address my intermittent pain. My sister is finishing the next stage of her treatment. I'm barely getting by from one day to the next. 

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@Dimity  was just checking to see if you had any news, and found this 😢 Sorry to hear you've had some hospital visits. Also that your helper has finished up now. 

Also that you're sturggling just to get through 😢 I know what's that's like and it's pretty awful. 

You'll be at the physio today...hope they can help 🤞

[Appleblossom]

Meeting went well @Dimity there was only her, me and an older couple.  I was talking straight No BS. I will not be interested in continuing if it is just a talk fest, or unpaid work helping her family company.  Did not get confrontational, working on what we have in common, but speaking strong and direct, instead of quietly and politely.

Conducted a group for an old Morley song on Saturday. It was scored in 6 parts so a challenge, but I was no nonsense with them too and it worked.  It is really weird I am talking with a much more broad Aussie accent when I am in that mood.  Usually I am not like that.  My father was well spoken, and mother heavile Dutch accented.  The first time I did it was about 15 years ago, when I felt a weird physical feeling within and a shift and recalled my foster father speaking like that.  Really weird. It was at church choir and took me aback.  It feels a bit ironic when it happens now.  I have done a lot of recent catch up on Aussie culture and humour, cos I did not have time when I was young. I heard the accent a lot but not really permitted or encouraged to speak, Better at physical gestures, nodding and doing what I am told, but that is changing.... lol

The forum has been great to allow me to explore my verbal side through typing ...

Hang in there.  We Care

Apple

[Dimity]

@Appleblossom on reflection I think a lot of people in positions of workplace authority altered their delivery when giving directions especially to groups. And as part of enculturation things like accent and vocabulary can differ depending on who you're with. I'm glad for you that armed only with a score you can coax music from a disparate group of individuals. 

I really need to immerse myself in music again occasionally. I have LPs of lieder and so much else I'd like to rehear but no longer have a sound system. One day I'll get another.

I saw the physio who diagnosed nerve pain - entrapment - so sceptical me wonders if repeat visits for physical therapies are warranted or likely to be useful. And my self stigma is very strong.

[Dimity]

Thanks @NatureLover .

My helper hasn't yet finished up but she's negotiating a new job so it won't be long until she does. 

The hospital tests were just due diligence after an emergency scare nearly 6 months ago... all satisfactory if not good. So I was discharged. 

Not sure about the physio.

[Appleblossom]

@Dimity Its great your hospital tests were not a problem.  Not sure what the answer is re physio.  I tend to do my research online. A lot would depend on which nerve, and where it is trapped.  Have you done much gym or physio work before?

Lieder is beautiful ... Not listened to records in a long time. I left stereo system with girls and the ex.  Only have a small box in garage.  Record players are on sale again, so I guess if you really wanted to ... I am not going to go back to the, but need to work on my set up, so that I listen mnore.