Self-Talk

[heera72]

One of the aspects of self-care that can boost self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem is how we talk to ourselves. Self-talk is critical because it shapes our mindset, influences our emotions, and impacts our overall well-being. Positive self-talk boosts confidence, reduces stress, and enhances motivation, helping us overcome challenges. It also improves focus and resilience by shifting our perspective toward solutions rather than problems. Negative self-talk, on the other hand, can lead to self-doubt, anxiety, and decreased performance. By replacing negative thoughts with uplifting affirmations, self-talk fosters resilience and emotional strength. Studies show that optimistic self-talk can even improve physical health by lowering stress-related symptoms.  

[tyme]

I do a lot of this @heera72 

It's taken a lot of practice though. Not an easy skill to learn when you've been 'talking rubbish to yourself' your whole life.

[Jlol]

I've also heard (from a Jordan Shanks video) that modifying what you say (to yourself and others) with less powerful synonyms helps.

Eg: Instead of saying "I feel so depressed right now" say "I'm feeling a little sad right now".

Or, instead of "I'm stressed out about this upcoming meeting" say "I'm a little bit concerned about this upcoming meeting".

It's still acknowledging the feelings, but making it less 'powerful'.

[Jlol]

This is a good one @heera72 but I've always struggled with it. I'd love hear peoples opinions on what I could do to improve it.

To me, it can sometimes just feel dishonest or like lying, but also feel like it can be dangerously stoking your ego or developing hubris to a point where you might not be able to accept criticism or judgement very well.

For example, if I 'self talk' myself saying that "I'm very good at my job" I may no longer take on others' opinions or ideas, because why would? I'm very good at my job. Of course, the answer might be that things are not black and white, which is true. But the statement I'm self-talking to myself - "I'm very good at my job" - is black and white. Either I am very good at my job or I am not. There is no "kind of very good at my job".

I guess, me having ADD and probably some sort of autism, I can only regard things as either "are" or "are not". Creating positive self talk, without concrete proof, is hard.

Note that doesn't mean the default is negative self talk, but I think I do have an over reliance on positive talk from others. For instance, if my boss said "Jlol is really good at his job" I would ride that high for ages!

Anyway, don't want to hijack your post or anything. Just curious if others have experienced something similar and how they work around it.

[Glenn942]

Question for @heera72 @Jlol @tyme 

Sorry to go on another track. Who puts these negative thoughts of worthlessness in our head that sends us into destructive modes.

Are we worthless if we don't have money or a big house or make mistakes.

Is it out environment or is it natural.

Why don't we teach about self worth and self love to kids when they are developing their brains.

I think it would be a better place if we did that.

[Dizzy4]

@heera72 Heres something ive been trying that has been helpful to me. I absolutely never look at myself in the mirror, only when i have to (make up, etc).  Now, i make myself look into my eyes and do my best at positive self talk.  Sometimes it actually makes me smile🤔😊

[tyme]

Hey @Glenn942 , I'm a pretty strong believer that evolutionary-wise, our brains are wired to identify risks and challenges. If we were wired to the positive, then we may not have survived threats.

This has then grown with us so our brains continue to identify threats. It is only unless we train our brain to think otherwise, that we can build up that part of the brain to think in more helpful ways.

Someone may not have money or a house but not feel worthless at all. And on the other hand, you have many WITH a house and WITH money who feel worthless.