MOVING ON FROM PAST ABUSERS??

[Change123]

** language warning**

Hi @BlueBay@Former-Member@Former-Member@Shaz51 and everyone else

I wanted to share another milestone I accomplished yesterday.

Yesterday I was very preoccupied and didnt realise why until 3/4 thru the day.

It was my F birthday yesterday and usually I get very depressed and angry as I never had the opportunity to tell him what a bastard he was to me before he died. I had so much unresolved anger that my partner use to tell me I should go to his grave and abuse him.

Anyway when I realised it was his birthday for the first time I went to myself "huh" and didnt feel much more, no anger this time.

When I got home I decided quite spontaneously when I poured my glass of red wine and my partner had a drink I said hang on a minute I want to say something "its my fathers birthday today and I want to say to him you can go and get fucked for what you did to me and to my partner, you are never going to take over my life again and I hope you rot you son of a b tch"! and then we clicked glasses - made it very symbolic!

After that I felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I didnt feel the rage I usually do - my partner even came up to me twice during the night and hugged me saying how proud he was of me. Maybe I finally letting go...........

It made me feel proud of myself which I'm not used to feeling.

[Former-Member]

Hello @Change123, nice to see you 🙂

That sounds really amazing you were able to get through your fathers birthday without feeling that rage like you would normally, it sounds like it really helped you though to acknowledge those thoughts and express them without becoming overhwlemed by your emotions. Just by saying how you felt was helpful enough, that is great, you should be really proud of yourself, I am proud of you!

It is also nice to hear that your partner acknowledged your reaction and way of coping and gave you some positive support for that, you two have gone through some really tough times and it's lovely to see how supportive and understanding you are of one another currently

[Former-Member]

Haha, had to laugh at myself, thout this thread said Moving On from Post Abusers. Isn't the mind amazing. NikNik will understand.

Change223, we don't know each other but wow, wish I could be so ruthlessly honest expressing that where it belonged and cutting off the ties from childhood abusers. Let it go, forever. 🍻And its nice to hear someone in the world has a supportive partner to help you move forward in peace.🍻 "Go in peace and so will I" is what I say to them when the thoughts try come back and haunt me, I'll drink to that! 🍻

[Change123]

@Former-Member@Former-Member

Thanks for your comments!

Yes my partner has had a big turn around now that he sees how much I'm trying.  

He even said to me last night that for once he is experiencing nice surprises from me rather than the expected. 

I'm not ashemed to say that I have worked my arse off trying to rebuild our relationship and he is seeing it.

[Former-Member]

Doing well @Change123, its hard but ya doing it! 👍. 🏆

[Former-Member]

Dear @Change123

Only saw your post now, but celebrate with you.

I called one of my abusers and it hasn't set me free, but I now know that he has to remember too what he did to me years and years ago. And I don't have to pretend anymore.

There will never be closure with my other abusers as I don't know where they are, apart from one, who killed himself, but I don't want to search. I only remember their first names and where they lived 30years ago on a different continent.

There will never be justice, so I try to move on and let the past go. I don't want to forgive, I know their are different opinions about that, but I don't want to give people room in my head that don't deserve it.

Take care @Change123

[Change123]

Hi @Former-Member

Well I was able to let go of one - my father but I too dont know how to get over my mother.  She is still alive and last time I tried to do this with her she wouldnt listen to me over the phone and just yeld so much I hung up in her ear. I dont want to see her - I think that would be too distressing to me.  I dont care about her anymore I just want to do something for me but not sure what.  I know she will never change and will never understand or want to hear and understand what she did to me by not protecting me from my father and just making excuses. But I feel I need to do something to move on......

[Former-Member]

@Change123

Have you thought about what you could do? Have you talked to a professional about it? They might have some advise on how to break the bond and set you free?

I'd love to give you an answer but I can't. I try to move on and I try my best but I think my best is not good enough.