trying to find myself lost in it all trying to be calm and strong

[MJG017]

Hi @itsmehuntre 

I'm doing pretty well.  It makes a nice change 😁  I'm enjoying while it lasts... 3 and a half weeks until my next blood results and the anxiety is starting make it's presence felt already.  But i'm just trying to make the best of things and feel like i'm doing a reasonable job of it.

Sorry to hear about your uncle.  Were the two of you close? Condolences to you and your family.  It must be a tough time for everyone right now.

I found out 3 years ago, when I found my biological family, that I'm, half Italian.  Make that explains the carb addiction!  It found it easy to cut the sugar when I was told I have diabetes, but carbs?!  No... they need to stay!  MY last HbA1c was 5.5, so i figure I can have a treat or 2.  We''ll just have to see what the next result is 😁  It's great news that you may be off the metformin entirely.  At least it's one less thing to worry about.  Although, a bit like me, I guess the diabetes isn't exactly a top of the worry list right now, but it's a great result for you.

It's sounds like the cardiac rehab is going really well.  Hopefully that translates to some equally great results.  You really seem to be doing really well doing what you can to get on top of these health issues.  At least more on top than you probably thought a couple of weeks ago, so well done!

It's great when people start commenting on how they've noticed a change in your mood isn't it.  It just makes it feel more real, like you are starting to get into that better place mentally.  As much as I would choose to make this diagnosis disappear in an instant, I can't deny it has brought some positive changes in my life.  It would just have been nice if I found a less extreme way to convince myself to make them! 😄 

I haven't played Black Ops 6 yet, although it has been recommended to me by someone else as well, so maybe I should take a look.  I haven't actually had much of a chance to play much lately, but I have had a go of the Red Dead Redemption PC remake and so far it seems they've done a really nice job with it.  I've waited a long time to play through it again on a PC with a keyboard and mouse... like God intended!

I was browsing the web the other day and got a blue screen crash!  I've never had one on this build so now i'm concerned my CPU might be suffering from Intel-itis!  It hasn't done it since, and I haven't seen a famous 'out of GPU memory error' that seems to be a sign of dodgy 13th and 14th gen CPUs so maybe it was just a random thing but I should have some good long gaming sessions to, you know... just test things for stability.  It's the smart thing to do. 😄  If I do end up playing Black Ops 6 (you know... for stability testing) i'll keep my frame rates to myself 😁

Keep up the great work mate and again, sorry to hear about your uncle.

[itsmehuntre]

Hey @MJG017 

Sorry for the delay in replys everything is catching up to me and im trying to kick it all in the backside and get back on path again. Anxiety and depression keeps hitting me down just getting tired of it all but i keep getting back up sometimes i question why that is but deep down i know. Few steps back but certain more going foward through it all. 

My uncle and i was extremely close im still mourning him the service was very nice but the minute i walked into that room and seen the display with his photo i broke down like a 2 year old having a tantrum and just didnt want to believe it was actually happening. It was one thing to know it was happening/gonna happen whatever you wanna call it but when your there and think this isnt a dream this is the real deal its happened then yeah.. I would say meeting all the family was good but no one talked to me beside the regulars that knew me. I had my best friend at the service with me it helped but can only do so much.

Yeah you cant tell a italian to cut the carbs there fightings words hahahaha. Im still having a treat here and there i admit more then i should but im still cutting the weight slowly at a good rate and my blood sugar just dont go high anymore even after sugar havent seen it kick over 10 in weeks now averages 6.5 to 7.8 most times. 

I do hope your tests and results come back good. Having that good news once in a while having that win helps i know it does with me gives me that bit more hope to keep going on days where i get a bit down about stuff. I do need to loose the weight a bit quicker and stop having them extra snacks and get a bit more active moving around. 

I see my cardiologist first time post hospital in a weeks time so should be interesting to see what happens there tests wise medication wise. Ill do what has to be done trying to organize a trip to the gold coast for christmas holidays something to look foward to and catch up with friends i used to live with over 9 years ago.

Cardiac rehab is going good so far, had to move a few appointments but they just add on to the end of the program. I do actually enjoy it keeps my mind busy and focused. My hf diagnosis has bought a few positive changes i still get told im looking alot better, i sound like a totally different person my attitude towards everything has changed but as you said a lesser extreme would of been nice hey.

Ive been playing black ops 6 a little bit i only really play the zombies solo you can at least pause the game for little times that way but with everything happening lately and the bills it might have to go yet but my health comes first i can always replace it once i get my shit sorted. I have RDR but never played it. Cant beat the good old mouse and keyboard.. I used to be a deadshot aim with controller but since going to mnk i cant go back it dont feel normal 😛 

I have had 1 blue screen with this amd but sorted it ram related issues (xmp) always seem to be a thing with these cpu's. 

Trying to keep that right mind set there and not go backwards to much even had words with my GP and he was awesome he took the time to listen to me and talk to me about things which was what i needed. Just trying to keep my mind busy keep myself busy so it cant wander to much. 

Thankyou for the reply mate its been great being able to chat glad im still on here it does help hopefully i get more involved with time. My uncle went the way he wanted i got to say my goodbyes to him and was there for him on his final walk into the hospital while i was doing cardiac rehab that morning.

[MJG017]

Hi @itsmehuntre 

Take your time in replying... whenever you get a chance and feel up to it is good.  I had plenty of days where I wondered "what is the point of getting back up?" but you just do it... and do it again, and do it again....  I guess it's just that survival instinct kicking in.  But mentally it can be so hard.  There will always be some steps back, but as long as you keep getting more of those forward ones as well, things feel easier.

It must have been so hard at your uncle's funeral.  I can see how the sight of his photos must have made it all feel so real.  It's like a part of our mind finally accepts the reality and the emotions take over.  Just take your time and take as long as you need to grieve.  I find just talking to someone about all the great things about the person and all the happy memories helps a lot.  I imagine most of us would like to think our loved ones would remember all the good things about us when we're gone.  It gets easier over time, but that grief is always going to be there.  At least you were there with him near the end and got to say goodbye.  I'm sure it meant a lot to him.  I think about that last visit to hospital a lot these days, and i'm sure its things like that that mean the world at that time.

I honestly have no idea how people do low carb diets.  It just seems like you might as well have a diet where you just inhale air!  At least your blood sugar seems to be well under control, so that gives you a bit of leeway, but obviously they can help keep the weight on as well.

Yeah, I really hope the 28th is a good result.  I had my own 'smack in the face' of reality last week which has affected my mood a lot since then.  It's one thing to know the spot you're in and it's realities.. but it's another when someone says it back to you!  So i'd really like to get a good result to know I can have a couple of months where I can relax and forget about it before the next test starts to approach.  I just want a bit more time... it's not too much to ask.  God know I haven't got many of the things I've asked for in life, so the universe owes me a favour or two. 😁

Hopefully your cardiologist has some goon news and you can enjoy some time up in the Gold Coast.  When I was a kid, my grand parents owned a unit in Surfers... Just overlooking the Bowls club.  I think it's all gone now, but we went up there a couple of times.  I was in year 4 and year 6 the 2 times, so it must have been about 1980 for the last trip.  I probably wouldn't recognize it up there anymore.

Yes, it's amazing how much a serious medical condition can improve you outlook on life. 😀  Someone who notice the big changes in me asked me what the secret was.  I told them "You don't want to know!" 😂

Every time I'm near my PC i seem to be having a Zoom meeting.  I've only played the first few missions of RDR!  The AMD CPUs have always been a little fussy with RAM timings so XMP can cause issues.  There is the AMD equivalent now (EXPO) but not being an AMD person, I'm not sure how common it is with RAM manufacturers but you'd think it would be fairly common by now.

Keep doing everything you're doing, you seem to be doing everything that could be asked... and probably a lot more.  So hopefully you get the rewards in some great results coming up.