Heya @Aonaran,
Hope this post finds you well. Last night was so super busy here on the Forums, so I was quite exhausted by the end of the night. I wanted to write a response to your post when I had more energy so I thoughtfully write a response to you.
My reference to boundaries was not to suggest that I need to dance or tip-toe around you. I guess what I was trying to say is that I think I have a clearer understanding of how certain behaviours (i.e., being told who you are and by doing this assuming that I know what is best for you) can impact on you. So I would like to be mindful of that. To me, that's a boundary – having some awareness (though weary of being naïve to assume that I am fully aware) of the consequences that certain behaviours has on someone, and being conscious of that in my interactions with that person. In my perspective, it's not dancing around someone, but part of getting to know someone and developing a sense of safety.
In my own experience, the utterances of 'you should...' or 'you must' can be pretty frustrating, particularly when I just want people to hear me out. I find that a lot people have a tendency to want to go into solution mode to help and attempt to give advice based on their own experiences or opinion. They assume that what worked for them will work for me or that they know better. In doing this, their help can reflect an assumptions that I am in fact helpless. But in the end, I think that it comes from a place of concern so reminding myself of this appeases my frustrations. In the end, I think some people have different styles of ‘helping’, some people tell others what to do, and others are better at reflecting, listening, and digging deeper. For a lot of people, however, I think they have a natural tendency to give solutions. Perhaps it’s because they don’t like sitting in someone else’s discomfort, or perhaps what they have had a beneficial experience with something and they truly want to share these benefits with others. I don’t know for sure but for me, it means that I will seek out particular people who offer what I think might be helfpful. I share this with you not to suggest that I am right, or that my way is best. Just sharing my experience of things, which I understand may differ to people on here.
I’ve not seen Space Odyssey, but thank you for explaining to me what your avatar means. You mentioned one thing that stood out for me:
“The image in my avatar is the moment where the proto-human ape first learns how to use tools, and the entire universe is suddenly, incredibly open to him. I crave those moments -- and I've had a fair few of them, I'm fortunate to say -- where something clicks into place, and the world suddenly looks new and different and exciting again, and so that image represents that aspect of me.”
Can I enquire about some of those moments when things have fallen into place? What was going on in your life? I'm curious to know about what the world was like when things felt new and exciting for you. I hope that one day you can find this again.
Anyway, I have rambled enough for now.
Speak soon,
CB
