Topic Tuesday // Supporting someone after a suicide attempt // 28 Nov. 7pm - 9pm AEDT

[Ann6]

It has been like a nightmare. Our daughter is in her early 20s and so an adult. She was diagnosed with anorexia 18 months ago. 4 people she knows have committed suicide. As parents we get no information but are told we play a crucial role in her recovery. Only after her last suicide attempt have we been able to get her psychiatrist to talk to us. We find out there are other mental health issues. So difficult to know how best support her and have hope for the future.

[Former-Member]

@UNE@Former-Memberno I don't think people acknowledge the caring role we play. Even though I went into auto pilot and did what I needed to do, it was still distressing the way I found her. There was a lot of support for the student but not a lot of support for me. I am on work cover from this incident. We were debriefed about an hour after she was taken by ambulance and given a number to ring if we were not coping. I rang it 3 days later and as offered 2 counselling sessions over the phone.

That was all I was given. I don't know if that is similar in different work places, but that is what happened in my workplace

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member @UNE

Initially perhaps I went into shock, as my husband was an inpatient at the time, I got a call from his pdoc to tell me what had happened, that some injury was apparent, that he was being checked out medically. I guess I went into autopilot and time was spent going to hospital.  I felt so very alone yet I had good support from friends. 

As Mr D recovered from his medical issues I wondered if he would ever recover pschologically, no counselling was available for him, I saw the pdocs throwing medication at him that I felt was inappropriate, I remember saying to one pdoc "that at the end of the day, Mr D was in the hands of God"  The pdoc responded by saying that he "hoped that somehow they could help". 

I was terrified when Mr D was to be discharged 4 months after the event, I felt ill-equipped as to what to do.

And yet ..

Along the way, one of the docs told me "to look things up" which I did, this resulted in me learning about MI, about symptoms and as a result I put together a concise history of Mr D's meds/symptoms which has resulted in what is hopefully a fiiting diagnosis and treatment.

I found I was not dealing with things in a healthy manner, I felt ashamed about this,

I found a website that reinforces that one can live well in spite of a mental health diagnosis and I continue to hold to that hope.

Despite my fear I was able to welcome Mr D home with open arms and heart

Now

The meds appear to be holding him in that he is no longer suicidal. I see him battle shame, recently he had surgery due to a complication of an injury suffered in the attempt and this has been very hard for him.  Hope is still hard to detect and he has not yet been able to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok, this saddens me.

[UNE]

Hi @Ann6 Thanks for those details. It sounds like you are saying recovery oriented work needs to acknowledge the information carers might need to offer support. If you had a chance to change the way mental health services are provided, in terms of identifying the important work of carers, what would you like them to know? 

[Ann6]

We have been offered no support as a family. My son is 16 and we are doing our best to cope with the stress and fear of having a daughter/sister who is so unwell.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Fifibelle, thanks for joining us.  This is very recent for you and so please only take part in the discussion to the extent you can.  It sounds like you haven't had a chance to talk it through properly yet and so you can call the SANE Help Centre on 1800 18 7263 (10am to 10pm AEDT Mon - Fri) or Lifeline  24X7 on 13 11 14 when you feel ready to do so.  Sometimes it can be easier to talk to empathetic strangers than loved ones with something like this.

BTW I had to edit out the method of your son's attempt so my apologies for changing your post.  I just wanted you to stay part of the discussion and thought it might be too hard for you to have to edit it yourself.  We are keen to have these sorts of discussion but don't talk about specific methods to keep the forums safe for all members. I hope that feels okay.

[UNE]

Thanks @Former-Member that does sound distressing. In the process of putting this study together the research team noticed that, at present, there is no available research to understand or define the needs of friends and family who offer support after a suicide attempt. In addition to that we dont understand the impact on their health and wellbeing in providing this care. 

Are you able to reflect on what might be useful to help you navigate this? 

[Shaz51]

@UNE, @Former-Member 

I went into shock first and thenhad to travell 60 kms away to where thay put him  in hospital and the first person I saw Blamed me for him being there

[UNE]

Hi @Ann6 some of the other carer stories that have been collected under similar circumstances speak about shifting senses of hopefulness and hopelessness which can go on for a long time. Have there been hopeful moments along the way? When they occured what were they attached to?

[UNE]

Its often in those moments of crisis how often the words of people stick with us. I would imagine that would be hard to respond to @Shaz51. Maybe some of the content around how carers might feel also needs to extend to how people respond to carers? What do you think?