Lived Experience Forum

[Bow]

I’ll be sure to post on here as I unpack it all @Jynx  at least what I can post. They have…. Or are .. creating a fairly safe environment for us to share. So I like that. 

Oh yep there certainly is the opportunity for unhealthy things to occur. I’m finding that with the treadmill already. But yeah… when my heads in a bad place there really is the potential for things to go badly very quickly. I tried to flag that with my CM today but I don’t think she got it. She jumped to it being my baseline and while yes it kinda can be my baseline, with this extra push… things are a bit different. Sigh. Why’s it all gotta be so hard and difficult. 

Being perceived as being ok. I think I put my mask on a lot. I think people know my past and what I can be capable of (in a positive way) and it’s always this…. If you were to pass me in the stress you wouldn’t know I was unwell at all. I feel like I need to act and look more unwell. Then maybe when I share certain things people will take me seriously. It’s like it’s been  ages since she’s  made an attempt she won’t do it again. Oh how wrong they are 

[Jynx]

@Bow that is very good to hear, safe sharing makes such a difference hey. 

Mm I am glad you did speak up about your concerns, but obvs makes it a bit harder when you feel like you weren't quite understood. When do you next see GP or pdoc? Might be worth flagging your safety concerns with as many folks in your team as you can. 

I would also say it might be worth giving it a bit of time - it's still early days yet. Perhaps you could try to redirect your focus at times - set your mind to something that perhaps has fallen by the wayside or that you've been putting off. 

Gotcha. I'm sorry that it feels like you have to dramatise/play up certain things in order to 'prove' that you're unwell enough to need support. That would be incredibly debilitating - especially with how our actions can inform our emotions just as much as the other way around. I wonder if doing this can sometimes leave you in a worse mental state. You deserve to be able to simply exist as you are. 

I'm super worried about that last line - are your thoughts going down that road atm hun? 

[Bow]

I see my pdoc Thursday. Been expecting a call from my gp… but maybe my bloods are ok? Won’t go down that path. 
see my psychologist tomorrow morning too.

i don’t know @Jynx  

blah. I’m so emotionally and mentally tired. It’s not even 6:30 yet and I just wanna go to bed. Cry. 
yeah. Yeah. 

[Jynx]

@Bow so some appts coming up - do you think you will get the chance to share your concerns about the new meds? 

Mm I can imagine bed feels far away right now! What are you doing with yourself atm? You got some lego or crafty bits you could throw yourself into? 

[Bow]

Not really sure where conversations will go in the coming days @Jynx  just gotta wait til the wwwkend. 

just watching tv really. Waiting for a more appropriate time to go crawl into bed. 

[Jynx]

@Bow well I hope they're lucrative and affirming for you 🤞💜

I mean, could you go to bed early? Or would that mess with your schedule/meds too much? 

[Bow]

Locking things in

[Bow]

@Jynx ?

[Jynx]

Yes hey @Bow just saw your above post. Locking which things in hun? 

[Bow]

probs shouldn’t of said that sorry @Jynx