Lonliness

[peace]

@chemonro thank you. Life is confusing. I was well last week. Now I am overwhelmed. So funny cause even when I am at home I still have this feeling of wanting to go home sometimes. Yes I envy those who have a life. Who seem to make sense of it all. I get so damn sorry for myself that I do not like me. I try to get a grip and lift my spirits. I remind myself how good it was when I was feeling stronger. Think positive and at peace, Peace, for even if it is confusing and I feel sad, lonely and scared, all is well. It is just me out of whack again. Maybe I do need to go and start these yukky mood stabilizers. I could think of happy thoughts too. Oh well I feel a little relief now. Thank you.

[Neb]

Peace...good to write it out....look at it and think oh! I suspect everyone lives inside of their head, maybe it is only those with MI issues who are honest about it or sensitive or whatever...

I think every single person on the planet can claim loneliness which is weird but makes perfect sense to me.

My fear is of being on my deathbed and getting a moment of clarity or illumination and seeing what my life was all about and it is all too late .....

[peace]

Hi @Neb I think you are right, that those with an MI are more honest and yes sensitive. When I am feeling strong I feel the walls come up. Its amazing. Thru the years I have learned not to trust people who have not felt the vulnerability of MI. In the past when I was suffering I'd have no knowledge of what was going on and turned to anybody for help. I paid a heavy price in ridiculde and just plain wrong advise.
I am deeply touched by your comment of your 'deathbed' fear. I wish I could reasure you somehow. Yett fear is my worse enemy and life is the cause. I look forward to it being all over, finally. Yet what you say is a little rough on yourself. Do not judge so harshly. I am sure you do the best that you can with what you've been given.

[Loopy]

Neb, in relation to your last para. When I had a heart attack, I arrived at the DEM and my heart ceased, but in my mind I saw a light at the end of a tunnel, as it got closer I actually stopped it and told it to piss off because I was not ready to go, it then faded away and I regained whatever its called. I know it has little to do with your comments. I always thought that it was an old wives tail. Just thought I chuck it in. Oh I was lonely at the time but I wanted to be the master of my own destiny.

loopy.