Lived Experience Forum

[BlueTrane]

People familiar with my journey know that I have been championing a more inclusive Christianity regarding LGBTQIA+ issues. However, I now feel it is neither responsible nor accurate to present the church as LGBTQIA+ affirming. Despite the Pope's public efforts to extend an olive branch, his private remarks reveal he still clings to outdated beliefs, even using vulgar slurs to refer to homosexuality. Such language is unfit for a modern man, let alone the religious leader of 1.3 billion Catholics. As a result, any lingering hope I had has been nearly extinguished. This has significantly impacted my mental health, as my faith and efforts toward an inclusive community were my anchors. But honestly, this isn't the only challenge to my faith. For a long time, it has faced blow after blow, with me trying to remain steadfast in prayer, only to have my heart broken time and time again.

My struggle with schizoaffective disorder has sometimes been eased by holding onto my religious faith, but I often fell into religious delusions that brought great pain. So where am I now? Well, I'm not a Catholic, a Christian, or anything at this point—it's all up in the air for me. I have my family and friends, and I practice mindfulness, meditation, and gratitude. I'm holding onto hope that I'll find something to believe in. I have faith that there's a greater calling for me to discover, whether or not it takes the form of spirituality or a religious community. For now, I'm enjoying being a free thinker, free from the burden of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. The constant cognitive dissonance I experienced as a queer Catholic was quite traumatic, and now that it's no longer weighing on me, I'm free to explore new relationships and paths in life.

[MermaidHair]

@BlueTrane Thank you for sharing, this was a really heartfelt and insightful.

I was never able to align myself with or fit into a church, religious institution or organisation for very different but similar ethical and moral contradictions. I have also suffered episodes of religious and spiritual delusions that were very challenging and damaging to my faith and reality. What was freeing for me was learning to define my faith by my own standards, as a combination of religion, spirituality and mindfulness, and accepting it didn't have to fit into a specified group or a box so to speak. It sounds like you are on a similar journey of discovery and acceptance. Enjoy your new found freedom 💜   

[Asgard]

Hi @BlueTrane 

I certainly identify with what you have said.  Growing up gay on the west coast of Ireland was not exactly a bundle of laughs.  Being described as an 'abomination' from the pulpit doesn't exactly endear Mother Church to me.  But then I realised that its men who have screwed up the Church, am sure the Big Man Upstairs loves me for who I am.  So I bypass the mob down here, and I deal with Himself on a one to one basis, its much better and nothing gets lost in translation.  You should try it, we have some great chats, a bit onesided at times, but I do love the wierd looks I get................ Asgard