Lived Experience Forum

[Dimity]

Heard, validated, liked... I hope and trust you'll find that here @Katz42 . I can't promise joy.

I'm sorry to hear you've been ill with the virus so long. That in itself would be debilitating and depressing.

So you have a housemate. I live alone and go weeks without personal interaction but have some online contacts. My cat is company but old and unwell.

I'll look forward to your poetry when you're ready to share some.

Your pain and frustration with trying to write comfortably are very understandable.  I have pain limiting me at present and poor eyesight. Perhaps you could persevere with dictation if you could set up your hardware appropriately? Do you have a tablet? I hear you've exhausted most possibilities with your computer and keyboard. 

I'm missing my daily walks. Can you escape the four walls for sunshine and fresh air or is it too much with your illness and PTSD?

Hint: people will be sent a notification and recognise you're replying to them if you type their username prefixed by @. Typing @ will actually give you a popup selection of names to choose from, but you can add more freehand.

[Katz42]

Thankyou @Dimity for the tip. I get it now. The list popping up makes it much easier than trying to remember names and spellings.

Thankyou too, for the support and suggestions for my writing.

It makes me a bit sad to know that you also feel so isolated. It is lovely that you have your cat. Tom, that I live with (the puss) is also old and spends most of his time sleeping on my housemate's bed. I sometimes think that he may be as traumatised as me with his erratic and sometimes aggressive behaviour. Apparently he was a rescue cat. I still love the moments when he will let me pat him.

Living alone for a lot of people can be really horrible. For me, if I could afford it, I would like to live alone. Living with other people often gives me that "alone in a room full of people" feeling. 

My housemate is okay to spend time with sometimes. We often watch TV together for awhile in the evenings, fortunately we have similar taste in some of the things that we like to watch, but there is no conversation even, "how are you?" or "how was your day". That hurts, that nobody in my offline life is interested in me.

In summary, living alone can be preferable to living with the wrong person.

I don't mean that to take anything away from how awful it can feel for people who live alone and are desperately lonely and need company. I acknowledge that being totally isolated like this is possibly one of the worst things that we can experience.

I will end on a more positive note, since today there is glorious sunshine and I have the house to myself today. I plan to make a pot of tea and sit in the corner of the yard where it is cosy in the sunshine. Namaste

[Katz42]

@SkySeeker22  thankyou for your kind words. About what brings me joy, well that is a very difficult one. I used to love movies and going to museums and galleries, poetry readings and writing festivals. Since then, besides my complex ptsd, my agoraphobic symptoms have grown into huge monsters. I can't cope with even the smallest group of people. My panic attacks are so much worse now. I was trying the exposure therapy approach until I got this respiratory thing. When I am too active, with stuff moving around, I cough and get breathless especially if I am breathing cold air. My GP has finally given me a referral to get a chest x-ray. I know that it won't be anything serious. I just want to know how to deal with the symptoms. In my experience, doctors explore the fatal possibitlies and if they get crossed off the list, that seems to be the end of their involvement. I want to feel better so that I can get on with life and trying to make it better and somewhat happier.

Oh here I go again on a negative rant. 

Anyway, I decided yesterday, that I would work out a kind of routine, scheduling in some writing time as well as some "exercise" but starting very slow. So a positive future plan.

I hope that you have a happy day @SkySeeker22  and thanks again.