Loneliness

[MDT]

not lonely no @cloudcore
its a good group of people and they are good to chat with

I think it's just hard with everyone in life now

I feel really lonely still 😕

[cloudcore]

@MDT this year has been really difficult in regards to staying connected to others and being true to ourselves, we've been trapped and so powerless to the happenings of the world- not being able do the things we wanted/needed to do. I saw that you made a post elsewhere as well, and I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling overwhelmed and lost/directionless right now. I know at times I feel out of practice with life and confused about how to start moving forward again after this year too. Please be kind and forgiving to yourself for not being where you think you should be. You're doing the best you can 

[mishyanne73]

Hi Everyone,
I’m Mishy and I haven’t been on this site for a while. It got me through some hard days and I have a heap of respect for everyone who contributes. It’s a hard thing at times to open up your mouth and just SPEAK. I was also really happy to see a thread about loneliness. Loneliness is part and parcel and comes with the territory when one is suffering from mental health issues. I look forward to reading your posts and inputting. I’m schizophrenic and have been for 24 years now. It’s through these lonely times that we find our hearts and learn compassion for each other, rather than understanding. I look forward to getting to know some of you. Like a tree, you can lean on me. Sorry if I break into poem every now and then or every two sentences - lol - that’s just who I am.

[mishyanne73]

Hey, so glad to hear everything is ok with you. Ok is sometimes not such a bad outcome. I can totally get that you are reluctant to talk about issues and I was for several years too. However, my road to recovery didn’t really start until I was about to talk about it, verbalise it, analyse it etc. It didn’t only help me, it released me. It was like my soul was in prison and yes it hurt to speak, to think, to admit my illness. So I began writing on my journey out… as my first outlet to be able to stand proudly in a room and say “I’m schizophrenic. So what?” We are all marked by our experiences. Having a mental health condition, I know for a fact, makes you a strong and compassionate individual. Simply because of what you’ve had to endure along the way. There’s a myriad of behaviours that are not socially accepted (unless directed at a person with a mental health issue). That’s not Ok. Loneliness is one of the tougher ones to deal with and I’d like to commend you for taking the grave step of being here. I hope your recovery goes leaps and bounds and if your sure it will, then it will.

[mishyanne73]

Hi I’m Mishy. I really loved this post because you talk about the disconnect within loneliness… it’s a bit like someone’s pulled the plug out. Like so much was happening and everything was great but someone tripped over the cord. I’m single as well, 48, no kids. Totally get it. When I do go out everyone’s talking about how great their kids are and I’m in the bathroom crying because I couldn’t have any. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and am so happy for them but it’s emotionally difficult and that I suppose will always be the same. If your hanging around with people who make you feel invisible. Stop… or let them know. I think that’s really important and people can do this unintentionally. Remembering that a certain percentage of people really are just mean. It’s a human condition. Deleting your social media, I say go you! That’s such a big move to make and shows your commitment to yourself and your recovery. I disconnected mobile and all for almost 2 years after my last stint in Upton House. I started doing things that I wanted, I completed a course, wrote a poetry book, did a golf course. Life was suddenly great again. I’d listened to myself and finally decided I didn’t care anymore for anybody else’s opinion of my recovery (except my shrink lol). Largely I’ve given up on the dating thing. It’s Hi I’m schizophrenic. BYE! I say it’s their loss…. And I wouldn’t want to date someone that treats people like that anyway. It absolutely is important within this type of struggle to be good to yourself. And it’s hard. But I’m heaps confident you can be better to yourself. Affirmations helped me. Not everyone’s thing but they work. Sometimes expecting things to be perfect is setting an unattainable goal. Be kind to you, understand you’ve been through more than most and believe in yourself. I enjoyed your post and related to it a lot. Thank you for sharing.

[chibam]

Thank you so much, @cloudcore !

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@cloudcore wrote:

I admire the courage you have to continuely show up in social situations, in spite of your experiences.

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Perhaps I should've clarified that I've tended to avoid social situations for many years now - especially situations that offer no prospect of meeting up with my future wife, or otherwise forging any other meaningful relationship.

Not that I get many invitations these days, especially since coronavirus. I used to average between 1 and 2 invitations per year.

That, in itself, is not the problem though, considdering that even when I did get numerous invitations ("summons" would actually be a more approriate term), they were only ever to the sort of hostile situations I described earlier.

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@cloudcore wrote:

You mentioned that, while superficial, you've felt less lonely amongst strangers. Is that something you feel you could explore more?

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Short answer is: no.

For starters, it only ever works when there's some sort of mediator to get things going; like kindling needed to start a proper fire.

And then, as I say, it only works in a superficial sense. And frankly, it relies a lot upon me embellishing a fair bit, and keeping a lot of stuff to myself. The more these strangers get to know me, the more I can spot things going awry. Like you can see them thinking: "There's something off about this guy."

We get a few decent hours out of spending time together - which is more then I can say about the vast majority of my relationships - but you can just tell that it's not the basis for anything long-term.

[BPDSurvivor]

Thanks for sharing everyone! @chibam @cloudcore @mishyanne73 @MDT @Jynx 

I appreciate this thread immensely @cloudcore .

What does loneliness look like for you?

For me, I'm live alone and am alone, but I don't usually feel lonely. Perhaps the only time I feel loneliness is in the evenings when I can't get to sleep. Other than that, I don't feel lonely.

However, that isn't to say I've never felt lonely. During my toughest times with my MH, I certainly felt lonely. I wasnt alone, but I felt lonely. Lonely in my MH struggles. I did not have the support of communities such as what I have today including SANE forums. 

How does loneliness feel and how does it impact your wellbeing?

Loneliness disconnects me from my environment. I feel like I'm there but not there. Looking but not seeing. Listening but not hearing. Moving but not going anywhere. I was miserable.

Are the periods of the day or year when loneliness is harder to manage?

Loneliness is definitely more potent in the evenings. I'm run off my feet all day, so when it comes to the evening, and I'm trying to wind down, loneliness can definitely set in where sometimes, I just wish I had someone to speak to.

What have you done to manage loneliness, do you have tips for others?

In the evenings as part of winiding down, I connect with people here on the forums. That way, the feeling of loneliness dissipates. Since I've disconnected from unhealthy social media, I find it relaxing to log onto the forums, knowing there is someone like me out there waiting for a response. 

So here I am....alone, but definitely NOT lonely!

[MDT]

Thanks for sharing @BPDSurvivor
I am glad to hear you feel welcomed here. I always enjoy hearing from you.

These days i have felt so lonely after lockdown ended. Weird right?

I am trying to be the genuine self i need to be.

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @MDT ,

After lockdown, it was a shock to the system to go back out into society. But I have to say that I think humans are more resilient and adaptable than many think so it didn't take long to readjust.

I've got school holidays coming up. In the past I've felt lonely during school holidays because I'm not working. So to help with that, I'm planning ahead. Planning times to be with people as well

as times to have quietness myself.

And @MDT , I'm single. I think about whether having a partner is good, but I love being free. Hence I've decided to make the most of being free knowing one day I may be tied down. If I yearn for something continuously, I miss out on the awesomeness of the present.

Tane care,

BPDSurvivor

[MDT]

I agree with all of that @BPDSurvivor

I guess its hard atm just with all I have going on too