ED recovery just too hard

[The-red-centaur]

I Fn give up. I thought I could try to eat nice things for my birthday. I even ate a Tim tam. 

But fck I want to die now. Calculating how much ate scares me is much. 

My dietician is pushing me really hard. I can't do it anymore. I'm gaining weight and I just can't deal with that. The rules from my professionals are destroying me. I can't do it. I won't do it. 

Why does every birthday turn into a disaster. Proves I should have died when I was a baby like I nearly did. 

I'm sorry I just....can't..

[JoseJones]

@The-red-centaur, I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing such emotional difficulty at the moment.  It sounds like previous birthdays have left a negative mark, and this feels like a continuation of that.  I just want to check in whether you feel you're going to be safe tonight?

[Jenn4]

Much love @The-red-centaur . The world is significant better having you in it. 

Tell ur professional team their strategy isn't working. They're working with u, at ur disposal for u to use their expertise to solve the problem. Tell them it's really not working and u need them to do the job u pay them to do and use their expertise to try another tack. Ur telling the story, *not them. And then if that tack doesn't work another until u find the one. And if u need to switch professionals do that without thinking. I was caught up recently on if I should change gp or not - I liked him and I didn't want to offend him was a primary reason - then I realised (with some encouragement from a friend) he actually wasn't providing what I needed and I didn't feel that he could even if I did do as I've just suggested so I was like, yep, I'm gonna switch, it won't cripple him. My psychologist and psychiatrist and neurologist r all wonderful thank the lord. Many many great professionals are out there. 

Bunker down. Use the forum and support from other people who love and get you. This problem is fixable. 

much love, Jenn-dog 

[BrookeK]

You didn't die when you were a baby because God wants you here. I was in a coma in 2017 and I was supposed to die, but God wants me here.

I have an eating disorder a little different from yours. Are you taking medication? Are you seeing a professional?

You need to sort your thoughts. Firstly you have body image problems and that's okay. You do know that one little Tim Tam wont make a difference? You really need to get support and talk to someone who can help. You need eating psychology. A dietician is a pop in and out. You also need a psychiatrist or psychologist to get to the root of your ED. You can do it. So you had one bad day, so what? You ate one not the whole pack. It's okay. It really is. But a dietician is not a mental health professional. I suggest you tell them that their plan for you is not working and you would like to try some other ways to tackle this disorder.

[BrookeK]

I almost forgot....I hope your BIRTHDAY WAS AMAZEBALLS!!!!! 

[Former-Member]

😞
I felt like this on my birthday, two three weeks back, but it seems like a lifetime ago and things easing up now re SI, I even enjoyed my walk this morning, such a beautiful time of year. Hope you're ok @ @The-red-centaur 💙 Hang in there. Be kind to you - feel the sun on your face today 🌄 There's a portion set aside just for you 🌻

[The-red-centaur]

@Jenn4 they are following the eating disorder guidelines.
My dietician is the only one who specialises in ED's in my city. She is good, I just struggle to keep up with what I have to do.

[The-red-centaur]

@BrookeK I ate a lot more than just a Tim tam...

I'm finally seeing a psychiatrist on Wednesday. I have a case manager and I'm trying to get into see a psychologist.

[BrookeK]

I ate lasagne three hours ago and it was delicious but I desperately want it out. But I know my body needs the nourishment so I am watching a ghost tv show to try not to think about it. We fall some days. We are only human.

It's wonderful you're getting some help. Your birthday is one single day out of 365. So what?! You're entitled to have a good time on that one special day. Keep up the good fight, you're not alone. Message me anytime.

[The-red-centaur]

I give up.