@The-red-centaur It saddens me to know how much you're struggling right now. I imagine having your room stripped isn't doing much to improve your mood, but I hope it keeps you safe. I want you to be safe.
I'm going to be honest here, and maybe I shouldn't be, I don't know. But I struggle a lot with wanting to live too. But I've been giving it all a lot of thought over the past few weeks and I've realised something. The times in life when I've ever truely felt happiness is when I've been helping someone. Whether it's a client, my son, family, friends, animals. Not even big things, but just providing a bit of help or doing a bit of work for someone, it gives me satisfaction knowing I've been able to do something that positively impacts someone else's life.
When I'm not in a good headspace, I tend to get caught up in this harmful way of thinking that life is ultimately pointless. But when I'm doing those things that make me feel happy, those thoughts aren't there. If I focus my attention on trying to make a difference in someone else's life, it in turn helps me to stay positive and achieve more in my day-to-day-life.
And when I say it doesn't have to be anything big, it doesn't. Found an injured leaf bug on my doorstep the other day and because I was with my son we ended up making a shelter for the leaf bug so he could rest and "recover". Of course the leaf bug died, but I told my son it made a miraculous recovery and it was grateful for his help. It made my son so happy to think he helped the bug, and that in turn made me feel happy too.
If you can do anything today, I'd encourage you to try and make a difference in someone elses life and see how it makes you feel. I imagine there's a lot of people around you right now who are struggling too, maybe just sitting with someone will make a difference in their day. Share some food with someone, sit with someone, draw a picture for someone, help a leaf bug--any little thing that's achievable in your environment right now, I'd encourage you to try.
I'm planning to carve out some time to check in with you tonight--I had an idea and I'll share it with you later. I have to knock out some work today so won't be around til tonight, but I'll be back tonight, ok?
Take care of yourself @The-red-centaur don't give up on me, ok?
