Centaurs attempt at a new life

[saltandpepper]

Talk me through it @The-red-centaur what's going on? 

[The-red-centaur]

@saltandpepper I'm tired. I wanna leave. They can't get a bed for me so I'm stuck on surgical ward. They wont take me off mental health act. I'm so fking done.

[saltandpepper]

The family you came to see, are you able to reach out to them at all? You're in a shitty situation there and if there is anyone you can call on for support, I'd encourage you to do that. Even if it's a phone call to your old psych or anyone, try reaching out to someone hey?

[The-red-centaur]

@saltandpepper my family want nothing to do with me.
I've been chucked aside by the services I was referred to during my last admission because they Won't take my risk. The psychs here don't get that I'm just wasting their time. the surgical team is getting angry that I'm still here. It's been nearly 2 weeks stuck in this stupid bed. I need to get out. I am just a waste of effort and space. I want them to stop watching me so I can..you know..


I'm gonna go now before I turn this into a swearing rant and break every guideline.

[TideisTurning]

I'm sorry to hear of your experiences @The-red-centaur. It sounds like you're having a tough time. Please know that you are not a waste of effort, or space. You are deserving of support. Please don't hesitate to reach out for that extra support offline, either from someone at the hospital if there's someone there you feel you could speak to, or somewhere like the Suicide Callback Service (1300 659 467) and take good care of yourself ❤️

[saltandpepper]

@The-red-centaur Can we take a step back here? I remember reading you were travelling and excited about your venture--meeting some new family as well? And your previous psychologist supported your decision to move?

Did you end up meeting these family members? And have you been in touch with your old psych since moving?

And swearing is fine--I fu*king do that shit all the time c*** (me jokes)

[The-red-centaur]

I'm tired. I don't want this stupid hospital.

Wish all the nurse would fck off.

Wish my arm would just get infected, I get sepsis and just die.

Fck everything.

[saltandpepper]

Hey @The-red-centaur I hear you mate, do you wanna tell me what's going for you? How did you get here? You've got a lot of time on your hands there, the hospital aren't going to let you hurt yourself again. So while we're waiting for the next move, why don't you tell me what's taken you to this dark place? I'm here and I'm happy to listen if you're willing to share

[The-red-centaur]

I can't breath, I'm suffocating
It's a feeling I know
All my senses are heightened to the point where I can't move at all
I try to scream but there is no one here
I tell myself that's irrational
Whatever I do it gets the best of me
I can feel the waves crashing down on me
All these words are useless, I bet you won't understand
I'm just trying to hide my fears 'cause I'm afraid to understand
I've been thinking way too much
I've been searching for a place to bury myself
I'm lost in a wave
It controls my feelings and I can't help it
I'm falling away
If I control my fears, would I still feel the pain?
I've been thinking too much
I see the rain pouring down the river
My brain is trying to trick me
I'm just talking to myself but I can't hear anything
My face is on the concrete
It's about to take control and I just cannot compete
My brain is trying to trick me
I'm just talking to myself but I can't hear anything
My face is on the concrete
It's about to take control and I just cannot compete
I know what the fuck it's up
See the face of misery
I try to scream but there is no one here
I'm lost in a wave
It controls my feelings and I can't help it
I'm falling away
If I control my fears, would I still feel the pain?

-lost in a wave- landmvrks

I don't have words rn....this song hits me where I'm at. I'm just lost in the waves.

[saltandpepper]

It can be hard to find the words sometimes hey? Do you have some music you can listen to while in hospital?

I can't say the lyrics sound familiar to me, sounds like the song could be about anxiety, maybe? What do you make of it?

@The-red-centaur